Do you ever get like super vulnerable late at night that you just want to spill your heart out and say how you feel because you’ve been holding it in for so long and you just need some ventilation and there’s just something about two in the morning that makes me lose my filter and say the things I would never have the guts to say when the sun is up.
the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.
- Kiss like you mean it.
- Remember their birthday, every year.
- Make them feel special, even on a monday night with a forecast of rain.
- Befriend their Mom, she will tell you stories that no one else can.
- Order each other food at restaurants, just to try something new.
- Shower together, you may learn to love your body, by seeing the desire and passion in your partners eyes.
- Leave notes when you go out for the day, it will make you feel safe.
- Watch the Breakfast Club, and pump up your fist in the end, even if it only happens once.
- Care for each other when sick, soup is the easiest thing to make.
- Make chocolate covered strawberries in summer simply because you can.
- Go fishing with their Dad, and listen to what he has to say, even if he may have trouble saying it.
- Give each other little presents, even if its just a rose on friday the 13th.
- Get angry, but forgive.
- Love, love with all you’ve got.